If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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