just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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