Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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