I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
