Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
