she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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