yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
