Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just threw up on my dentist
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
