Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
