I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
