If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
