If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
