I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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