it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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