I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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