Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
