I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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