How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
