Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
