Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
