It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
