Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
