You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
