just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
