I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
