Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
