Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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