she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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