Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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