I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
