Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
