I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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