My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
