just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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