Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
