i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
