And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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