i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
