were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
