i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
