found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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