Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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