i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
