when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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