On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
