dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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