Swine flu. Run for my life!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
