i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
