don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
