but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
