Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
